We have all been to a wedding or birthday party where the host requests no gifts, and so we graciously oblige, only to find that other guests have brought presents galore. I remember when our children were in preschool, there were a series of birthday parties we attended and the parents had specifically written on the invitation, no gifts. There was great confusion among guests, and those who followed the invitation, appeared embarrassed to be empty handed – not what the host had hoped for, I’m sure!  

So back to our question, if an invitation says no gifts, does that mean no gifts? Or do you still bring something? We all toss and turn with this conundrum, and I am here today to share the answer. 

Drum roll please! If a host says no gifts, then you honor their wishes and do not bring a gift. The reason is simple, and that it’s important to be respectful of the host’s request. If you really must bring something, a lovely card is always a thoughtful gesture. Truly though, no gifts mean no gifts! Perhaps they have limited space in their home, your presence is gift enough, or they have other reasons for the no-gift request. At the end of the day, it’s their wish and best to honor it.  

Two notes to the hosts makings such requests: 

First, if you prefer not to have gifts, there are other ways for guests to shower you. For instance, we attended a family wedding recently, and the bride and groom requested no gifts, and rather a donation to a charity of their choice. We thought this was a wonderful way for family and friends to show their love to the newlyweds and support a cause close to their hearts.  

Second, if a guest does bring a gift (even though you requested no gifts), graciously accept it. Remember, the cornerstone to etiquette is kindness and making those around you feel comfortable, so with a warm smile you say thank you, and be sure to pop a thank you note in the mail!