Do you love chatting with friends and colleagues, meeting new people, and light up at parties where you can bounce from one conversation to the next? Or do you find yourself searching for words and wishing you had a blueprint to navigate social situations and work events? 

Being a fabulous conversationalist enables you to create connections, cultivate friendships, and expand your circle and knowledge – we learn so much from each other! Think of conversations like tennis – a great conversation keeps the ball in play, with both parties contributing, back and forth. Remember that it is important to always be true to who you are, while also reading the room and being aware of who you are speaking with, social customs, etc. 

The best way to refine your conversation skills is practice, practice, practice! Practice makes progress. Anyone can become an amazing conversationalist, you simply need to have the tools and then chance to practice what you’ve learned. And so, here is a list of golden rules to elevate your next chat so you can shine as your best self, and feel confident, prepared and poised. 

• Know your audience: Think before you speak, meaning, bring up topics of discussion you think the other person will enjoy, relate to, or be interested in. Don’t feel the need to nervous talk either, as this is when we say things we wish we hadn’t!

• Ask open ended questions: Asking open ended questions is the best way to start a conversation and strengthen a relationship, whether you’re talking with a new friend, colleague or neighbor. Instead of saying, “Did you have a great weekend?” try, “Did you do anything special this weekend?” It opens the door for further conversation and follow up questions. Again, think of the tennis ball going back and forth over the net. Also, if someone asks you a question, “What are you reading right now?”, be sure to answer it and then ask the same question back. Often, people ask questions that they would love to be asked too. 

• Listen: If you take away one pearl of wisdom from my list, this is it! Listen! Being a great conversationalist means you listen just as much as you speak. Everyone wants to feel heard, and by truly listening and being present in a conversation, you are offering the other person the opportunity to share their story. 

• Try not to interrupt: Truly try not to interrupt and wait to talk until the other person is finished. This is SO hard, as many of us (me included!) get excited during a conversation and want to comment or share. However, when we are interrupting, we aren’t being active listeners and can miss much of what the other person is saying. 

• Offer genuine compliments: Genuine compliments are so lovely, and great to pepper in a conversation when appropriate. For example, if your friend just completed a marathon, saying, “That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” is a sincere display of warm wishes. 

• Be in the Know: Learn about local and national current events, media, and sports. These are fantastic topics of conversation, especially for small talk and when getting to know someone. Also, if you are going to an art show for instance, research the gallery or artists beforehand so you have some knowledge and talking points going into the event. 

• Body language: Body language can convey just as much as our words. Be sure to smile (when appropriate), speak clearly and slowly, make eye contact, nod along, and sit or stand up straight.